Who Am I to Tell Fate Where It's Supposed to Go?
by iPods-and-Tea
Summary: When things between The Fire Nation and The Earth Kingdom become very strained, with even threats of the world plunging back into war, Fire Lord Zuko agrees to marry The Earth King's niece to ease the tensions between the two nations. The only problem is Zuko is torn between listening to his heart or complying with the duties he accepted the day of his coronation.


She stepped off the little pedestal placed before her. She looked dainty and fragile, like a porcelain doll whose face would shatter if you dropped her. The guards took her hands to assist her from her step down on the pedestal from her green and gold carriage. She was donned in a green, silk, regal gown on that was embroidered with golden lining for the design. Her skin was pale as snow, but Zuko couldn't tell if it was naturally so or if it was because of how done-up in makeup she was; as her lips were also cherry red and cheeks rosy pink. Her hair was braided to the back elegantly and pinned up slightly with a gorgeous, silver pin that was decorated with a pink and white flower. Zuko didn't even know the maiden's name.

As Zuko examined his bride-to-be, lost in looking her over, his uncle nudged him to bring him back down to Earth. Zuko flushed red and stepped forward towards his fiancée; he took her hand, got down on one knee, and kissed her hand, as was Fire Nation custom. The young woman giggled and glanced over her shoulder back to the carriage at her uncle, Earth King Kuei. The Earth King too stepped out and bowed to Zuko, and Zuko bowed in return.

"It's nice to see you again, Fire Lord Zuko," Kuei said to his ally as Zuko smiled at him, extending his hand.

"You too, Earth King Kuei. How are you?" Zuko replied as the older man shook his hand, clasping it with a smile.

"I'm fine, excited! It's good to see my niece getting wed, especially since I have no children of my own," Kuei spoke to Zuko as he put his hand on his niece's shoulder and Zuko couldn't help but to blush once more.

"Yes…It's…quite exciting…" Zuko mumbled, trying to sound as upbeat as possible.

"Aren't you going to introduce yourself to your fiancé?" Kuei snapped at his niece and she giggled again.

"Right, I'm sorry," She apologized as she too scrutinized her future husband, "I'm Duchess Kana of The Earth Kingdom. I'm twenty-one and as I'm sure you know, this goof is my uncle who is in charge of The Earth Kingdom, regardless of the fact he'd never set foot in it until about eight years ago."

Zuko laughed as she introduced herself, "Oh, well…nice to meet you, Kana… I'm…well…ugh…you probably know this already, but um… I'm Fire Lord Zuko…"

"Of course I know that," Kana giggled again, "How old are you, Fire Lord sir?"

"Oh, right… I'm twenty-five," Zuko responded and she grinned.

"Thank goodness, my sister got engaged to a forty-year-old and I did not want that," Kana stated, giggling again.

"Kana, I told you before about Fire Lord Zuko. You couldn't have possibly thought he was so old," Kuei added and she waved him off, "Anyway, I'm very excited about the wedding ceremony. It's a shame more of Kana's family couldn't make it with politics interfering. I'm sure you have it all arranged?" Kuei inquired as Iroh appeared before his nephew, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Yes, we have that all prepared. Why, the wedding is in two days, of course we have the preparations under control!" Iroh answered for Zuko as Kana glanced at the old man, wondering who he was. Zuko could read the confusion in her eyes.

"Kana, this is my uncle, Uncle Iroh. He has a teashop called The Jasmine Dragon in Ba Sing Se," Zuko explained as Iroh grinned at her.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Kana. I'm certain you'll take very good care of my nephew, but I hope he does not drive you crazy," Iroh teased as Zuko groaned.

"Uncle…" Zuko grumbled beneath his breath as Kana smiled, but couldn't help but let her mind wander to the potential. She knew why she was here; she'd agreed to it, it was her duty. But she also was well aware of her fiancé's family history and it troubled her, she prayed he wouldn't be so cruel as his predecessors. But her uncle's words had slightly soothed her, Kuei had been meeting with Zuko for many years and assured his niece he wouldn't allow his brother to marry his daughter off to an unkind man. Kana was a curious woman, always intrigued, and Zuko's history drew her in. From the ugly scar that branded half his face to the somber look in his golden eyes. He was a mystery behind a lock door, and she wanted to find the key.

"It's alright, my uncle can be quite the embarrassment as well," Kana rebutted to Zuko and Zuko smiled. At least she had a sense of humor; Sokka would like her.

"Kana, be polite. You need to make an impression. Don't give misguided notions about our country, we're doing this to make peace," Kuei replied and Kana's expression dimmed.

"I was just kidding…" Kana muttered as Zuko took note of her changing mood.

"Here, why don't I show you both to your rooms," Zuko offered with a nod.

"Yes, I'm quite tired. I'd like to freshen up and take a rest from my long travels, if you don't mind?" Kana requested and Zuko smiled.

"Of course," Zuko replied as some servants took both the duchess and her uncle's bags and began to lead them to their guestrooms, Kana's being temporary. Kana lifted her long gown as she walked and Zuko stared at them until they reached the doors, entering the palace. Iroh again walked beside his nephew, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"She seems very nice, Zuko," Iroh commented and Zuko sighed, brushing his uncle's hand off his shoulder.

"I get it, Uncle, you don't like this," Zuko rebuffed.

"I never said that," Iroh replied, tucking his hands in his sleeves.

"In so many words," Zuko responded.

"…I just want you to be happy, Zuko," Iroh muttered, "That's all I _ever_ wanted. Is _this_ what you want?"

"It doesn't matter what I want and you know it, Uncle," Zuko groused.

"Why not? Why doesn't it matter?" Iroh pressed.

"Because, Uncle we're on the brink of another war! We just worked so hard to end it! It went on a hundred years! We can't have another one and The Earth Kingdom is furious with me! I had to do something to convince them I was on their side and when Kuei proposed it and my advisors jumped at the idea, what was I supposed to do?" Zuko shouted as Iroh sighed, the argument bringing him back to his nephew's adolescent years.

"Ignore them and do what makes you happy," Iroh replied softly, knowing his nephew would angrily counter his comment.

"You know what makes me happy? The world happy? Not being in _another _war!" Zuko yelled.

"Zuko, you have to spend the rest of your life with this woman and you don't even know her," Iroh told him.

"Uncle, it's happened for centuries, arranged marriages," Zuko stated rationally.

"I didn't. And, you saw how it ended with your parents' arranged marriage," Iroh explained.

"That had nothing to do with it being an arranged marriage and everything to do with my father being a terrible person!" Zuko screamed, "I had to, Uncle. I need to quell these uprisings and tensions and the sages were furious for me not marrying at twenty-one like tradition and ignoring it for four years, they kept demanding an heir."

"You're the fire lord, but you're also a human being," Iroh commented, "I just want you happy, Zuko."

"Well, what do you think makes me happy, Uncle?" Zuko questioned.

"That is a question for yourself, my nephew," Iroh retorted.

"Well, what do you _think_?" Zuko asked again bitterly to his profound statement.

"…Mai," Iroh replied quietly and Zuko held his breath at the sound of her name.

"…Uncle," Zuko began, "You know Mai left me _years ago_, she isn't coming back. I couldn't make her. I can't…I can't dwell on her forever."

"You two looked so happy together," Iroh mused aloud, downcast.

"…I was happy, very happy," Zuko confessed with a scoffing smile. Iroh put his hand on his nephew's shoulder once more.

"I don't want to upset you, nephew," Iroh tried to explain, "I just don't want you to make a big mistake. This is a major commitment, and none of your sages might care, it's not political, they only care about _the fire lord_, but I care about _Zuko_," Iroh stated and Zuko looked at his uncle with wide eyes, "I love you, Zuko, I just want you to be happy with your life. You are always so shaken up by everything this throne places on your shoulders, I want you to be with someone you love."

"…Uncle," Zuko started, "I'm…I'm sure I'll grow to love Kana," Zuko tried to reassure his dismayed uncle.

"I know you will, she seems like a fine young lady," Iroh said, smiling at his nephew as he put his arm around him, "Come on, let's get inside now. This is supposed to be a joyous occasion and we have lots to prepare for! I have tea to brew and I believe some guests may be arriving soon!"

"Who? Two days early?" Zuko asked in alarm as he walked into the palace beside his beloved uncle.

"I'm sure your friends will be coming tomorrow morning at the very latest," Iroh answered as they entered the palace to its foyer.

"What? Why?" Zuko asked.

"Zuko, they're your closest friends," Iroh chuckled, "They're going to want to help out, besides, they're involved and play big parts in the wedding!"

"Well, I mean, they're welcome, but…" Zuko started to speak as Iroh started to the kitchen.

"I have tons of tea to begin fixing up, nephew! Why don't you get prepared or take a well-deserved rest or something!" Iroh suggested with a smile, peaking his head through the door. Zuko smiled at his uncle, Iroh could have easily ordered some chefs to fix up all the tea, but Iroh insisted on being in charge of brewing it all under his direct guidance. There wasn't a doubt the tea wouldn't be delicious, besides, some of his uncle's more herbal teas might help sobering up some guests later into the night.

Zuko wearily began walking up the long, winding staircase to his familiar bedroom. He was exhausted. These rebellions, on top of everything else he always had to do, were wearing him to the bone. His sleep schedule was even more out-of-whack than usual, and he had big, dark circles bagging beneath his eyes to prove it. He also had accumulated a fair amount of gray hairs for someone in his youth from the eight years he'd been reigning over the Fire Nation. A nap sounded nice at this point, and whenever his uncle was over he felt much more at ease. He also felt more eligible to take a rest because the pressure to finish things was lifted, no one expected him to be working days before his wedding, so the paperwork stopped piling up and there were no requests for international meetings. So Zuko flung open his door, slammed it back shut, pulled out his topknot, kicked off his boots, and plopped into his bed, practically falling asleep before his head hit the pillow.

Zuko drifted off for an hour or so, which was more than he expected, before an interruption came to greet him. A knocking and rattling of the doorknob was heard from outside Zuko's door, finally startling him out of his deep slumber. Zuko rubbed his eyes, yawning and stretching as he went to open the door. Right when he turned the lock, the door was slammed open from the other side, causing Zuko's heart to skip a beat in shock and fear. He was flung to the wall with a familiar pair of stilettos. Zuko's eyes were now so wide he was afraid they'd bug out of his skull as heart pounded in his chest. The woman before him kicked the door shut behind her with her foot irately.

"Mai!" Zuko exclaimed in awe.

"So you remember me?" Mai snapped, encroaching to him.

"What kind of question is that?" Zuko asked, still staring at her in wonder. They hadn't spoken in years.

"Thanks for the invitation," Mai gritted from her teeth, turning in his opposing direction.

"Mai…" Zuko started.

"Don't give me any bullshit, Zuko. I know you, and I know your bullshit," Mai snarled.

"I'm sorry," Was all Zuko knew to say now.

"So, who is this gorgeous tramp you're hitching with?" Mai growled.

"She isn't a tramp," Zuko rebuked acridly, "Her name is Kana, and I just met her."

"…What?" Mai snapped.

"It's an arranged marriage," Zuko explained, "How did you even find out? What are you doing here?"

"Everyone is talking about it, the whole damn country, how could I not know? And, I came because I'm mad at you. Why wouldn't you invite me? Doesn't our childhood together count for anything at the least?" Mai demanded with a pang in her tone.

"…I thought you hated me…" Zuko replied quietly.

"…I could never _hate_ you, Zuko," Mai admitted as she walked over to him, pulling the daggers from the wall, noticing she'd scathed through his clothes and skin a little on his arm, "…I'm sorry," she apologized, folding her sleeve over, licking it and dabbing where the blood leaked.

"It's just a scratch," Zuko shooed it off with a smirk.

"So you don't love her?" Mai guessed, almost hopefully.

"…No, I told you, _I met her this morning_," Zuko replied.

"Then what the hell are you doing, Zuko? Being an idiot again?" Mai nearly shouted.

"No, I'm not, Mai. I know you always liked to think and call me out on how dumb I am, but this one isn't dumb. Declining it would have been dumb," Zuko explained, "You see what's going on, you live in The Fire Nation. The Earth Kingdom hates us; I can't let another war happen. I'm marrying the Earth King's niece to show I mean peace."

"It won't help," Mai stated curtly.

"Why do you say that?" Zuko asked, "And, you can't only be here because you're mad about not getting an invitation, Mai."

"No one will care you married some Earth Kingdom girl, they'll still hate you. They know why you're doing it, they won't buy it," Mai explained, shaking her head.

"It doesn't matter if they know why, then they'll understand my intentions. It will be a display of international peace from The Fire Nation for the rest of my life, and it will mix the royal bloodline permanently, showing that we have no malice," Zuko told her and she just sighed her typical sigh. Zuko smiled, she hadn't changed much, and Zuko had to keep mentally pinching himself to remind himself he was engaged.

"…You know why I'm here," Mai finally broke the silence between her huff.

"I don't," said Zuko, shaking his head as he sat on the bed, putting his head down in his hands.

"This is what I mean, how you're an idiot," Mai sighed, sitting beside him.

"Sorry," Zuko mumbled and she laughed, then paused in sadness, running her hand down his leg, keeping it on his knee.

"I still love you, you idiot," Mai admitted, the emotion audible in her voice as she fought tears. Zuko stood up and wracked his fingers through his hair. This whole thing already hurt enough, it was already confusing enough, now Mai was here, right before he just did it, telling him she loved him.

"Mai…" Zuko muttered, refusing to face her, taking in a deep breath, "Why didn't you tell me this _years ago_?" Zuko screamed.

"I won't tell you anything unless I know if you feel the same," Mai demanded and Zuko put his hands back on his head in frustration.

"I haven't stopped thinking about you since you left six years ago," Zuko groaned, "I love you, Mai. I never stopped. I had no idea you loved me."

"…Ever?" Mai asked, her voice cracking.

"You never said it," Zuko answered.

"I didn't know I had to…" Mai muttered, "You couldn't tell? Zuko, I'd die for you."

"Mai…" Zuko spoke, tears threatening to spill, "Mai, why are you telling me this now? Why? Why not a month ago? Why now?"

"You're not the only one I've been with, Zuko," Mai answered honestly.

"…Oh…" Zuko mumbled in envy.

"But you are the only one I've ever loved. I had to keep dumping them because every time I was with them, I wished he were you. I wished I never broke up with you," Mai confessed.

"…How…how long have you regretted it?" Zuko asked, holding his breath.

"About a month after I did it," Mai rebuked and Zuko slammed the wall with his fist in frustration.

"Why didn't you come back? I would have taken you back without hesitation!" Zuko cried.

"I was too proud… It was stupid, I was a teenager, and then I was just too embarrassed. Plus, I thought you wouldn't want me anymore it'd been so long," Mai answered.

"I deserved to be broken up with," Zuko stated.

"No, I overreacted. You were under so much stress, and I left you alone, it was awful of me to do," Mai replied as she walked back to his side, cupping his cheek in her hand, "You look as awful as when I left you? Hasn't it gotten any better?"

"It did," Zuko answered, "Then it got bad again. Which is why I need to marry Kana… Or it will be bad for everyone."

"Zuko, please…" Mai begged, embracing him, taking in his scent, she missed him; it'd been far too long since she held him in her arms.

"Mai, I want to, but I can't, I can't," Zuko explained, holding her tightly, leaning his head against hers.

"Why not? You make the rules," Mai cried, "Zuko, if they came for a wedding…I'll just marry you in two days! I love you, Zuko, and I know you love me. I don't need to think about it, it's all I've wanted for years: you, to be with you, to grow old with you. We can fix this problem together, Zuko. I'll help you."

Zuko let a tear escape his eye as he pulled her even closer, that was all he wanted, all he wanted was to tell her yes, to go apologize to The Earth King and Kana for the trouble, to stand at the altar with Mai instead. To have a child who could call Mai his or her mother, the woman he loved. But it was too late; he could not marry Mai now. He'd anger The Earth Kingdom even more if he called off the wedding, it would set them off worse. He could not risk it on the brink of war. Zuko felt his heart shattering into a thousand pieces. Mai knew right when to show up and turn his world upside down.

"I can't, Mai," Zuko choked out as Mai then buried her head into his chest and began to sob as Zuko started to stroke her hair in comfort.

"This Kana better be good to you," Mai cried, rubbing his back, "You always put your duty to the Fire Nation above me. I know what you have to do," Mai stated, and those words cut him.

"I don't want to. I love you…I want to marry you, Mai, but if I do I put you and the world's lives at risk, and I can't do that," Zuko sobbed, wiping his eyes. Mai moved his hands aside and wiped away his stray tears.

"Please don't cry, Zuko," Mai pleaded as she caressed his cheek and drew him into a kiss. Zuko kissed her back as their gentle, loving, longing kiss became more passionate and Mai had him against the wall as Zuko tangled his fingers through her silky, raven locks and Mai straddled his toned chest.

"Mai…" Zuko moaned as he reluctantly broke the kiss, "I shouldn't be doing this."

"I know, you're engaged," Mai agreed as she twirled a lock of his hair around her finger and Zuko took her wrist by his hand, running his thumb over it, looking her intently in the eyes with his shaking.

"Mai, I can't do this. It's wrong…and it hurts too much," Zuko admitted and Mai tearfully nodded, falling into his chest.

"I'm sorry this happened, Zuko," Mai whispered.

"It's my fault, I'm sorry," Zuko replied.

"We're both idiots," Mai stated and he nodded.

"…Will you…still come?" Zuko asked, afraid of the answer as Mai bit her lip.

"I don't know if I should. It will…rip my heart out, and…look what I made you do, I'll probably just confuse and hurt you more…This is your decision and I have no right telling you what to do," Mai explained and Zuko shook his head in confusion.

"Mai, please don't leave my life again," Zuko pleaded.

"Zuko, I don't want to, but I don't want to ruin your marriage," Mai stated, "You don't love her, but you do me, that is going to create problems."

"Mai…" Zuko muttered, "I love you so much."

"I know, that's why I need to leave, Zuko," Mai cried, biting her lip, "At least for awhile, until you're settled down."

"Mai, whether we're a couple or not, I'll always love you," Zuko swore.

"I love you, too, Zuko. But I can't see you for awhile, I don't want to ruin your life. Maybe….I'll come see when your first child is born. I assume…you're having one," Mai said bitterly, seething with envy. She didn't care much for children, but she knew she'd love her own, and she couldn't bear the thought of Zuko with another woman, carrying his child. Even as a little girl she dreamt of having children with Zuko and picking out names. Zuko nodded tearfully.

"I need to go," Mai said finally, inhaling sharply to stop herself from bawling. She failed. She knew she would. Somehow she knew that Zuko had already slipped through her fingers six years ago, that he was doomed to a life of duty, he had to selflessly sacrifice his happiness for the sake of an ungrateful country time and time again, it was the life he'd accepted as fire lord. Something she wished she understood six years ago, she could have been more patient with him, it was still new, he was scared, things weren't going well, there were assassins, there still are, he couldn't sleep, he was scared for his life. Why did she ever leave him like that? She loved him? She left him to fend for himself and wallow in anxiety and insomnia. Mai pulled him into one last loving embrace and whispered into his ear, holding his hand. "I love you, Zuko."

"I love you too, Mai," Zuko whispered back as Mai began to step out of the room and practically out of his life, again. He let their hands slowly trail apart as she left him. He was alone his room again, this time not just being alone, but feeling it. He'd have to now wonder his entire life what it could have been like if he took up Mai's offer to marry her instead, he'd always have to compare poor Kana to Mai. Zuko lied back on his bed, feeling like the angry teenager he once was as he lied there in misery.

As Zuko lied in his room, confused and upset, Mai, on her way out, peaked through Kana's room. She sighed as she saw her, she wasn't gorgeous, but Mai found her more attractive than herself, she clenched her fists as she walked away, hoping the girl would take good care of Zuko. Mai then left the palace. Feeling like she'd tossed out a part of her soul.

Zuko wondered if his uncle knew Mai had come. If he found out, he'd never let it go, he'd make him chase her down, and as much as Zuko wanted to, he knew what had to be done. Zuko lied in his bed, his eyelids felt like that had weights on them, but he was too depressed to sleep. So he stared at the ceiling for hours, wallowing in sorrow for the entire day, until he was called down to an awkward dinner. He ate with Kuei, his uncle, and fiancée, quietly poking at his food, and answering the small talk questions from Kuei and Kana, as his uncle tried to distract them from pestering Zuko, sensing that his mood was not in its best. After the delicious, yet awkward three-course meal, Zuko trudged back into his room and lamented some more, not being able to shake the thought of Mai from his head. After several more hours, Zuko's sleep-deprivation finally caught up with him and he drifted off into a quiet sleep.


End file.
